The EpiEco Project: Making Emotional Wellness of Your Autistic Loved Ones As the Epicenter of the Ecosystem of Caregivers
- Aug 9
- 5 min read
A Humanity-Centred Mission to Establish A New Gold Standard of Autism Caregiving, One Family at a Time
*A Mother's Wish does not create paywalls so we can spread our understanding of the unconventional, but amazing inner life of autistic individuals, particularly those who are non-verbal or have limited speech. You can support our work by offering a blog contribution featuring digital versions of my autistic son Sebastien's paintings, buying the originals (watercolour / acrylic), or learning more about EpiEco or our extraordinary story
When I first set out on the pilot EpiEco project — a total of 40 ninety-minute one-on-one online sessions spread among 10 families of autistic loved ones over two months, sponsored by SG Enable under the Caregiver Empowerment Fund (CEF), I had no expectations.
Over the past nine years, I have met too many families with autistic loved ones and educators worn down and disillusioned by their constant struggles to 'normalise' their kids. Such is the far-from-inclusive world we live in — the sensorily overwhelming sights, sounds, and activity of the surroundings — that makes it hard for their families to embrace their very different autistic children for who they are. It is not helped by the unwelcoming, angry, and frightened stares, words and actions they encounter, such that imagining alternative lives for their autistic loved ones with undefined milestones and conceptualising such a life with JOY becomes a luxury they can ill afford.
This was the mission impossible of the pilot EpiEco project to overturn the conventional autism treatment approach of pushing autistic loved ones towards adopting 'normal' behaviours at the expense of their well-being. Rather, EpiEco aims to establish itself as the standard of autism caregiving with these three interrelated steps:
Shift away from the idea that your child is going to be 'normal': Get to know them from the inside — their distinctive attributes and their unique communication styles — and love them for who they are.
Focus on their emotional wellness: As with all human beings, their potential (whatever it may be) is optimised when they are emotionally well. Help them to discover theirs by focusing on their emotional well-being.
Do whatever it takes to discover and maintain a universe where they are emotionally well: Creating an Ecosystem of caregivers being their best selves, committed to and inspired by the autistic loved ones at the Epicenter, is the fundamental minimum.
Little did I realise that I could end up having the privilege of helping parents such as Nat, a mother of five-year-old autistic twins and two older children (just eight and 10), who is also starting Special Needs Caregivers — a specialised domestic helper agency, who reaffirmed the value of EpiEco:
As I reflect on my third coaching session with Kah Ying, I realise that the journey has been just as much about working on myself as it has been about supporting my twins.
During my third session, I invited my helper M to join us. Through Kah Ying's gentle questions, we uncovered that one of the biggest challenges my helper was facing was fear—fear of my twins,... fear of making mistakes, and fear of not knowing how to respond during difficult moments.
Rather than focusing on what M was doing wrong, Kah Ying helped her understand that before she can support the children, she first needs to regulate herself. Kah Ying taught M (just as she had taught me) simple breathing techniques and reminded her to pause, stay calm, and take care of herself first before responding to the situation. It was a powerful reminder that our own emotional state has such a significant impact on those we care for.
The session also gave me an opportunity to reflect on myself as an employer and a parent. Caring for neurodivergent children while trying to guide and support a helper can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. When you're constantly running on empty, it's easy for frustration to build.
One insight Kah Ying shared has stayed with me: "Our frustration often stems from unmet expectations, which makes us feel like we are constantly 'losing' in our endeavour to establish control over our lives..." Those words really resonated with me. They reminded me that progress isn't about controlling every outcome, but about being present, adapting, and extending grace—to our children, to the people supporting us, and to ourselves.
Each session not only gives me practical strategies but helps me shift my mindset. I'm learning to respond with greater calm, to lead my support system with more empathy, and to focus on small, meaningful steps rather than expecting perfection. (Learn more about Nat's experience)
Nat wasn't alone. There were also K and M, who went from discontented parents complaining about their autistic son's non-compliant behaviours to smiling and relaxed ones who realised that packing every waking moment of his life had gotten in the way of them caring for him and loving him, as well as one another. And then, there was D, an exhausted primary caregiver of her autistic toddler son, who took calm, reflective action to obtain the financial resources from her husband (as a reluctant member of the Ecosystem) to ensure that she could continue to be her best self to cater to her son's emotional wellness as the Epicenter.
They were just a few among the EpiEco pioneer caregivers primed to be extricated from the trope of the caregiver in despair, the self-sacrificial hero who had to do it all without being able to count on the support of their immediate Ecosystem or the Ecosystem of society at large. The presumption underlying this trope is exactly why the parenting journey of special needs autistic loved ones is often doomed to despair and tears, rather than joy and laughter.
But it doesn't have to be this way... Really.
EpiEco is about teaching caregivers how to focus on their love for their autistic loved one at the centre with mindfulness, using this as their moral compass (Epicenter) for them to optimise their Ecosystem of caregivers (at home, schools, supporting organisations, and even the public) spread the responsibility of caring for these special individuals in our midst.
It honestly takes a city-state (the ultimate ECOSYSTEM to raise our autistic loved ones (EPICENTER), but it can be done with joy, hope, and empowerment. When the whole society steps up (not just the caregivers), we all become our best selves.
The pilot EpiEco project (@ SGD5,000 over two months) has accomplished what I had always imagined was possible — demonstrating the potential of EpiEco in transforming families of autistic loved ones. It showed that families adopting can build genuine relationships with their autistic loved ones and care for them with joy and laughter, even those who are profoundly autistic and have limited speech.
But there is so much more that we can do. We are currently seeking an exception for CEF funding to be renewed for EpiEco Project 2.0. Apart from continuing to help a select group from the pilot project and new families, I want to inject a group element to rally participants to work together to forge an intra-group Ecosystem. Instead of coping with their caregiving lives in isolation or in smaller Ecosystems, they can pool their resources, share their talents and spread their responsibilities through a widened Ecosystem.
If you are a company looking for your next CSR project, consider EpiEco Project 2.0 supporting the emotional wellness of cash-strapped families as the Epicenter, learn about what your funding can do, and be part of the inclusive Ecosystem of Singapore we are striving to build. We can do it, Singapore! Contact Kah Ying to learn more!
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